Tipping: Maybe it IS Just a City in China After All

While chatting with a friend at the beach the other day, the topic of our conversation turned from the usual subject matter of "which member of the Full House cast turned out the hottest?" (my vote goes to Jodie Sweetin, while he's a Stamos man) to that of cab fare gratuities. A rather heated debate ensued and relations cooled to the point of approaching Russian/Georgian proportions. It seems my friend, let's call him "Matt" was chagrined at the perceived duplicitousness of his previous evenings' cab-driver. Throughout the course of the ride, the driver regaled Matt with some hard-luck story about how difficult his life was i.e he had five kids to feed, was deeply in debt and had fallen victim to the infamous kidney thief in Korea, etc. Boohoo.

Once the ride ended and Matt had handed over his cash, the cabbie inquired as to whether or not he could keep the change. Believing the entire story to be little more than an effort to coerce him out of his hard-earned toonies, Matt steadfastly refused, preferring to "round up" by means of leaving the cabbie with the coinage and taking any bills. I couldn't weasel an exact number out of him but I suspect the final remittance was somewhere South of $2.

I've always been under the impression that the appropriate amount to tip a cab driver is somewhere in the 10% ballpark with that percentage being raised substantially if "The Company" is picking up the tab. Matt argued that, unlike waitressing , there was no accepted social norm regarding cab-driver gratuities in Canada and that eschewing the tip entirely was perfectly within the realm of culturally acceptable behaviour. Rounding up, in his estimation, was entirely sufficient, if not generous. I warned him that while it was of little concern to me whether he chose to tip or not, he did run the risk of not only the driver but fellow passengers regarding him as a cheapass.

Needless to say this did not go over well but I am willing to admit I could be way off base here. It was pointed out to me that cab-driving economics are nebulous at best. Conversely, leaving 15% at a Canadian restaurant seems to be the accepted social norm, this money is given with the knowledge that the waitress is not earning more than the minimum-wage standard of $8 per hour. But how much does a driver make? What portion of the fare actually goes to him and to what degree is he on the hook for the maintenance, the rising cost of fuel and the physio and drug-therapies necessary following the requisite violent muggings? For all anybody knows, these guys are making thousands a night and buying up Faberge Eggs by the dozen. Shouldn't their wage be payment enough?

In all seriousness, although I've little concern that these men (they're always men) are starving, I'm by no means convinced that Robin Leach is going to be contacting them about their champagne wishes and caviar dreams anytime soon. I think most people are unaware that a cab license in Vancouver costs over $400,000, a rather daunting sum for young, urban professionals, let alone for someone that has likely recently immigrated from a developing nation. I believe these men rely on their tips just as a waitress does and provide an equally, if not more, valuable service.

Seriously, how much talent does it really take some bimbo at Earl's to bring a table full of college kids some jalapeno poppers and tepid jug of "Rickard's Red?" My interactions with serving staff are frequently monosyllabic and my yam fries generally have more charisma. Good cabbies, on the other hand, actually display modicums of driving skill and are more than happy to chat your ear off about cricket and the enthralling political situation in their country of origin. In fairness to the Earl's girls, drivers very rarely giggle, brush your shoulder lightly and say "Oh, you..."

So at this point, I really need to turn it over to the reader(s). I'm interested in your proverbial two cents on your cabbie-tipping tendencies. Am I the classic fool, forever destined to be parted from his money or magnanimous humanitarian, able to empathize with the cab-driving everyschlub? Let's settle this raging debate once and for all, and more importantly, let's help the "differently employed" (i.e me) win twenty bones from my friend.

Doucheflaggery

I am a Canadian citizen, and contentedly so. I've played ice hockey (albeit poorly), I listen to the Arcade Fire and I know that Stéphane Dion is not Céline's more politically active older brother. Sure, our draconian laws regarding the public consumption of alcohol could use a little Danish influence but that's a topic for another day. I'm happy to live where I do and feel fortunate to have been born where my rights as a human being are, for the most part, respected and upheld by our Constitution and the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms.

Having gotten the necessary pro-Canada preamble out of the way, I'd say the most ubiquitously irritating trend I've encountered while abroad is the irredeemably insipid practice of sewing a Canadian flag on one's backpack. There is nary a country I've been to where I haven't run into at least a couple of obnoxious Canucks proudly sporting the maple leaf on their brand, spanking new MEC gear. Far from invoking patriotism, the sight of this garish display invariably triggers feelings of contempt and shame within me, prompting the internal question, "Oh, my god, are we really this lame?" Unfortunately, I know the answer and it's one I'm intent on changing.

Before I can do that, however, I must at least attempt to offer an explanation as to why this tacky phenomenon exists to begin with. One popular interpretation is that Canadian elementary school teachers, who work in environments where textbooks from the 1950's and 60's are not uncommon, are still perpetuating the myth that Canadians are somehow revered overseas. This perhaps hearkens back to our participation in both World Wars and the misperception that our involvement still invokes feelings of gratitude in the average...oh, let's say Belgian citizen. Young Canadians are frequently regaled with accounts of generosity and general benevolence being extended to flag-wearing backpackers. Although I have traveled to almost 40 countries, and spent a good year and a half of my life abroad, I have never experienced even the faintest change in a foreigner's demeanor or attitude towards me upon my having reluctantly identified myself as a Canadian. Guess what? Nobody cares.

I have noticed that the only people who are attracted to this beacon of the bland are fellow flag-sewing Canadians, yearning for a nibble of the familiar; hockey talk, general America(n)-bashing and Bryan Adams singalongs. Well, at least the chorus, thankfully no one ever seems to know any words to the verses. It has never occurred to me that the purpose of blowing your savings and hauling all your shit thousands of kilometres across the Earth might be to meet other Canadians. Couldn't I do that from the comfort of my local Tim Hortons? If so, would that require me to eat their excreble reconstituted "food" products?

"Timbits" aside, if these people are going to insist on subscribing to this lamentable practice, they should at least stop and objectively think about why they're doing it. Why is it that all Canadians feel this need to explicitly differentiate themselves from Americans? I believe that in many ways Canadians feel marginalized and inferior and that this absolute lack of identity oftentimes manifests itself as a self-righteous superiority complex, especially as it pertains to the States. The mere fact that I happened to be born on any particular piece of land does not make me better than those who, by sheer chance, were born a few hundred kilometres to the south. I frequently put forth this opinion in social settings and am invariably verbally assaulted by robotic Canadians who insist that they aren't better, just 'different'. Pause and consider the facts for a few minutes, are we really any different? If so, what separates us? Is this really apparent to people around the World?

I can say with resounding conviction that the vast majority of people I've encountered abroad have, unless they've actually been to Canada, a less-than-cursory knowledge of our belovedly bloated ice cube. I'm not talking about poor farmers living in the backwaters of Bangladesh either, most residents of generally accepted well-educated socieities have never heard of Stephen Harper (or Pierre Trudeau for that matter) and can't tell the difference between Michigan and Manitoba. It's time to face facts: Canada is just not relevant to 99.9% of the World.

It seems to me that, coming from a country that is so internationally and culturally inconsequential, the only way Canadians have found to identify themselves as unique is through pointing out the perceived differences between themselves our currently unpopular neighbours to the south. Is this nationalistic view, whereby one's nationality is the most important aspect of their identity, something we should be perpetuating? Certainly nothing could possibly be wrong with the development and encouragement of a deep-seeded national sense of superiority...*cough, cough, Germany, cough*.

No, the reality is that national pride is for desperate losers and only succeeds in accentuating the perceived differences that may or may not exist across arbitrary political boundaries. In my experience, it is peoples' shared similarities across borders that is both surprising and inspirational. These similarities should ideally be the emphasis of people's travel experience and interaction with locals and fellow travelers alike. Ultimately, people everywhere (including US citizens) want exactly the same things out of life; the best possible chance of success for their families through fair working conditions, good education and affordable food and shelter. How this is not evident to the flag-sporting Canadian traveler, especially now in the era of globalization is both frustrating and puzzling.

Ignoring the obvious ideological issues, does it not occur to these flag-toting jackasses that loudly announcing they are from another country (particularly a wealthy, polite and naive one) is more likely to result in their being the target of theft or far more nefarious schemes than it is reverence? Have any of them considered that blatantly looking like a tourist is quite possibly the worst way to ingratiate yourself to a nation much less experience a culture?

Ultimately, this practice needs to be stopped. These people are embarrassing themselves, they're embarrassing the country and, worst of all, they're embarrassing their fellow travelers. The truth is that residents of other countries are laughing at us, and are at a complete loss as to why we feel the need to proclaim our citizenship on our luggage. Canadians are about as exotic as white rice. We are not universally admired nor are we superior, in any way to the average American or citizen or that of any other country.

Canada is a fine place. There are pretty mountains, adorable baby seals and socialized medicine but let's just keep things in perspective. The time has come to break free of the fine threads that tie our souvenir-shop identities to our carry-on baggage. Take those flags off your backpacks, Canadians, and become a citizen of the World.